HARTFORD, Conn. — The United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy found loneliness in young Americans has risen every year for more than a decade, and some experts say it could be because kids have switched away from childhoods on the playground to childhoods on screens.
Experts believe that loneliness could be why we are also seeing an increase in depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems in youth.
Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally-recognized child psychologist. She is also a mother, educator and an author. Her book "Thrivers" addresses the increase in anxiety and feelings of emptiness in children and teens.
“Loneliness to a child is, ‘I can be in a huge group and I still feel by myself and alone,’” Borba said. “We’re looking at an unbelievable rise in our children’s mental health problems in epidemic proportions.”
Borba has traveled the world and interviewed young people to better understand what could be behind their declining mental health. When talking about loneliness, Borba says the answer could be a return to "playdates."
“We overlook what really matters for our children, and that’s connection, feeling safe, feeling like we’re part of a group. All of those are things we can do. We did when they were younger, we had playdates,” she said.
The report from the Surgeon General found teens are spending 70% less time with their friends than they were 20 years ago.
“Loneliness also needs a village to correct it. It needs a place to bond and connect and get along with each other,” explained Borba. “You can share commonalities and similar interests or similar activities.”
It is all about getting back to in-person communities, according to Borba. She suggests scout groups, clubs, church groups or any organization where kids or teens can meet face-to-face with their peers, and not rely on their phones or social media for communication. She said it is as simple as coordinating a meetup with families with children around the same age.
“Even though we think [social media] is a connector, it’s actually a disconnector because you’re not really connecting with someone face-to-face,” Dr. Borba explains. “What most of the kids are telling me is they’re lacking the ability to read each other right now. They’re spending too much time looking down at a screen.”
In other words, kids are lacking social skills. Social skills are a learned behavior and could be the key to counteracting loneliness she says.
If someone suspects their child might be feeling lonely or suffering from poor mental health, Borba suggests they ask teachers or coaches if they have noticed a shift in their child, or use something she calls the “too” index.
“Anytime you are too worried about your child and all of a sudden you’re seeing too much of a change in your child that’s too different that has your radar up, then I’d say, go get some help," Borba said.
She recommends that parents speak with their child’s doctor if they suspect they need help.
She also suggests that people stay calm, consistent and don’t give up.
“The single-greatest correlation of a child who gets through a tough time is a caring adult who refuses to give up on that child.”
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